L’Chaim? Rethinking Alcohol in the Jewish Community

The Jewish holidays are around the corner. They are a time of joy, family and community. For many of us, that joy includes raising a glass of wine at Kiddush, a l’chaim at the table or with friends. Alcohol has become such a familiar part of Jewish life that we often don’t stop to question it. But as the holidays approach, maybe we should, especially when it comes to our kids.

What the Research Tells Us

A recent study in The American Journal of Psychiatry (May 2024) examined predictors of early substance use, trying alcohol, tobacco or marijuana by age 12. The findings were clear: Early exposure raises the risk for later substance use disorders and other mental health struggles.

One striking result: Jewish teens were more likely than peers from other groups to begin drinking early, especially compared to Mormon and Muslim youth, whose religious traditions strongly prohibit alcohol. In other words, our cultural comfort with alcohol has a measurable impact on our kids.

This isn’t just theory. Research from SAR’s Machon Siach backs it up:

-Jewish teens reported drinking at nearly double the national average over a 30-day period.

- Rates of binge drinking were also higher than the national norm.

- Teens who saw adults drink or use substances were significantly more likely to drink themselves. In other words, what feels normal and traditional to us is being carefully observed by our kids.

Our practices, whether wine at Kiddush or l’chaims at a simcha, may feel like tradition and celebration to us but for kids, they are powerful lessons about what adulthood and joy look like.

Strengths We Can Lean On

It’s not all bad news. The same research highlighted protective strengths in the Jewish community: strong family ties, deep school connections, meaningful communal engagement, and a powerful sense of Jewish identity.

It’s really encouraging that despite some concerning behaviors, kids report feeling proud of and connected to their Jewish identity and community. This sense of belonging is huge. It can help them make better choices, turn things around when they struggle, and feel anchored in something larger than themselves. These connections are tremendous buffers against risk.

It also means that the community is instrumental in preventing and tackling these problems. Nobody can sit back and ignore this. 

The Myth of “Safe Supervision”

Many parents believe that allowing kids to drink “under our watch” will teach them moderation. It feels like harm reduction. But research shows the opposite: kids who are introduced to alcohol at home are more, not less, likely to binge drink later on.

This is echoed in the words of researcher Bernard Pereda et al in his May 2025 longitudinal study, where he concluded: “Irrespective of the age of onset, parental permission to drink alcohol confers risk to adolescents for later alcohol use and related harms. Our findings highlight the need for targeted public health messages that emphasize this risk to parents in an effort to change parental perceptions about drinking with parental permission.”

And it isn’t only parents. Sometimes kids are offered alcohol when they visit a rebbe over the holidays, or when they’re at a neighbor’s Shabbat table. These offers are often made with warmth, a sense of inclusion or as part of tradition but the consequences are serious. Even small amounts of alcohol, even when offered in a religious or communal setting, increase the risk of heavier and riskier drinking later in life.

It’s not about whether a sip happens at 13 or 16, it’s the fact of early exposure that matters. Offering alcohol to children “just a little” at home, at someone else’s table or in the presence of a respected teacher is no more protective than handing them the car keys before they’re ready. Adults, whether parents, hosts, or educators, have enormous influence and choosing not to offer alcohol to kids is one of the simplest, most powerful ways we can protect them.

Practical Takeaways for Parents

*Know your family history. If there’s a background of depression, anxiety, alcohol misuse or addiction, your child may be at higher risk.

*Know your child. Every teen has their own temperament, vulnerabilities and pressures.

*Be clear. Have open conversations about your views on alcohol, drinking and especially underage drinking. Kids benefit from clarity, consistency and hearing directly where you stand.

It’s also worth remembering that you don’t need to be an ‘alcoholic’ to have a problematic relationship with alcohol. If we find ourselves relying on it to relax, to connect or to have fun, that’s something to notice. Modeling a mindful relationship with alcohol is one of the best ways we can help our kids develop a healthier one.

Why It Matters So Much for Teens

The adolescent brain is still developing until the mid-20s, particularly in the areas that govern judgment, impulse control and planning. Alcohol interrupts this process. The risks include:

- Addiction: earlier drinking leads to a higher risk of alcohol use disorder.

- Mental health concerns: early alcohol use is linked with anxiety and depression.

- Risky behavior: impaired judgment raises the chances of accidents and unsafe choices.

What feels like a harmless l’chaim at the holiday table can quietly shape patterns that echo into adulthood with serious impacts and consequences.

Moving Forward

Part of shifting our culture isn’t only about what we don’t offer kids. It’s also about what we model ourselves. Adults can choose to enjoy alcohol moderately, without glorifying excess or relying on it for joy. Modeling a mindful relationship with alcohol shows kids that drinking doesn’t have to mean overindulgence and that celebration and connection can happen with or without it.

At the same time, none of this means adults can’t make Kiddush or enjoy a glass of wine. It does mean we need to be mindful of the culture we create around alcohol. We can ask ourselves:

* Do we want alcohol to be what makes a simcha/holiday feel joyful?

*What messages do our kids absorb when they see us toasting a l’chaim again and again?

*How can we highlight the parts of Judaism like community, tradition, togetherness with friends and family and belonging, that already bring joy without needing alcohol to amplify them?

This is not only an individual issue but a communal one. Shuls, schools and community leaders play a role in shaping the culture around drinking. Hosts and rebbes, in particular, can set a powerful example by refraining from offering alcohol to teens and instead creating a welcoming environment with alternatives. Small changes in our communal practices can ripple out to protect kids in big ways.

As a community, we have incredible strengths to lean on: family connection, meaningful ritual, and deep identity. Let’s use those to build a culture where our kids know that joy and belonging don’t come from what’s in the glass.

Our tradition teaches that real joy comes from connection to Hashem, to our friends and family and to our community. That joy is already ours. We don’t need to hand our kids a drink to give it to them.

This holiday season, may our celebrations be full of warmth, spirituality and true connection. And may the memories we create for our children be about togetherness, not about drinking.