When Your Child Is in Israel During War: Supporting Them, and Yourself, From Far Away

For many parents right now, the day starts and ends the same way: You wake up and check the news. You fall asleep checking the news and every alert makes your heart jump.

If your child is in Israel during a time of war, feelings of panic, helplessness and stress can become your baseline functioning. Your child is somewhere you cannot physically reach and that alone is incredibly dysregulating. 

Parents keep asking the same questions. What should I say to my child? How do I calm them down? How do I handle my own stress and anxiety?

The answer often starts in a place that may feel counterintuitive: regulating ourselves first.

Many of the yeshivot, seminaries, and gap-year programs in Israel are operating under very clear safety protocols. These schools are not improvising, they've done this before. They are in constant communication with Israeli authorities and Home Front Command, and they are following structured guidance about movement, shelter access, and safety procedures.

From here, it can be tempting to second-guess decisions or feel the urge to manage things from afar. But your child is surrounded by adults whose entire focus right now is safety. Encouraging your child to follow the school’s instructions closely is one of the most helpful things you can do. Structure is protective in uncertain times. Clear routines and clear rules help reduce chaos and fear.

When you speak with your child, try to start by listening.

Instead of immediately jumping into reassurance, ask what the day was like. What did they experience? What parts felt stressful? Let them describe their reality in their own words. Sometimes what our kids need most in moments like this is just to feel heard.

You can acknowledge their feelings without escalating the situation. “It makes sense that sirens are unsettling.” “It is a lot to live with uncertainty.” “These are normal reactions to stress.”

At the same time, kids may complain about being stuck inside, canceled plans, limited movement, or feeling confined. From a parent’s perspective, it can be tempting to respond with something like, “Why would you want to go anywhere right now??!!?”

But two things can be true at the same time.

The situation is serious and dangerous AND it is frustrating to feel confined.

For many of these young adults, their year in Israel was supposed to be a time of independence, travel, and new experiences. The sudden loss of freedom can feel disorienting. Acknowledging that frustration does not minimize the seriousness of the moment, it simply recognizes the emotional reality of what they are experiencing.

Adding to the complexity, many kids are now facing rapidly changing plans. Some programs are sending students home. Others are waiting for flights. Some students are choosing to stay where they are. Friends may be leaving while others stay behind, and that can create a lot of emotional whiplash.

Parents can help by focusing less on finding the “perfect” decision and more on emotional support. Circumstances are changing quickly, and flexibility becomes part of living through uncertainty. What matters most right now is staying connected, following guidance from the school, and taking things one step at a time.

While parents are trying to support their children, they are also being bombarded with a constant stream of distressing content via WhatsApp videos, voice notes, Telegram clips, “forwarded many times” messages, and breaking news alerts. So much of the anxiety parents are feeling right now is not coming directly from their child’s day-to-day experience but from the volume of stressful content they have in the palm of their hands.

These videos and messages are designed to trigger panic and adrenaline. That reaction does not stay with you though. It spills out in your voice, your tone, your texts, and the questions you ask.

Before calling your child in a stressed or panicking state, it helps to pause and regulate first. Take a walk. Take a breath. Say a prayer. Talk to another adult. Then reach out. Your child does not need to absorb your anxiety in addition to everything else they are dealing with.

It is also worth remembering that you do not have to watch every clip or read every update to be an informed parent. Constant exposure makes it harder to stay grounded. Protecting your own nervous system is not being irresponsible or avoiding reality, it is what allows you to remain calm and emotionally available.

In moments like these, what children often need most from their parents is not perfect advice or perfect reassurance, they just need connection. 

Check in regularly. Send supportive messages. Let them know you are thinking about them.

You cannot control the events unfolding overseas. Sadly, none of us can. But you can control how you show up. You can show up calm enough that your child does not have to carry your fear along with everything else they are navigating. And sometimes, that sturdy presence is the meost powerful support a parent can give.